Randomised nothingness

I envy three kinds of people – those without credit cards, those without mobile phones, and those without laptop computers. They owe nothing to anybody. I have all three. And none of my own volition. Volition. Such a lovely word that is!

Moving on. I haven’t quite been able to zero in on the greatest evil that we have created for ourselves, though mobile phones have got to rank right up there. Unless you are lost in the Sahara, you are never off the grid. Therein lies the irony. You only really need to use your cell phone if you are lost. Good luck with finding a signal then!

Nah, this is not a crack on modern living and its terrible offshoots. Hell, I am all for the present world. Electricity, motorised transportation, treadmills –all joys that we take for granted. So what if we are dumping enough filth in the biosphere to completely destroy the world as we know it a couple of decades down the line? Hey, we did our thinking and got to where we are. Fuck the future generations. If they want to live, let them do their own thinking and clean the place up. Survival of the fittest, didn’t Darwin say?

Phew, I have this terrific disposition for going off on my own tangent! I don’t remember what I intended to say in this post. It surely was not this. It was to be about the last few days, my work, my women, my sex life or the lack of it, etc. Where do I begin?

The women at my workplace are a riot! Not just those who work, but also those who visit. Ask them a question, and expect nothing short of a smart-alecky answer. The more rhetorical a question, the more ripping a reply. You don’t know what to do. It annoys you. Yet it bemuses you at the same time. You just can’t help appreciate the wit. Sample this.

This woman customer of ours visits us very early one morning. So we ask her very matter-of-factly, “Madam, how come you are in this early?” Pat comes her answer, “So I could spend the whole day with you.” How do you deal with an answer like that? Right! You enjoy it. :)

Another instance. We do a de-brief every evening before close of business. Someone makes a huge faux pas, what I sometimes deliberately describe as a ‘blunder mistake’. To cover it up, she (used purely to make the language non-sexist – not indicative of the gender of the person in question) says it was a ‘topographical’ error when she meant to say it was a ‘typographical’ error. Either way, full points for presence of mind. That the report was hand-written and not typed notwithstanding.

There is something I have learned. The Nigerian loves to talk. That way, it is one of the easiest countries in the world to live in. You will never be socially challenged as long as you walk on two legs and breathe oxygen. If you are a bit of a prude, though, be prepared to have your brains knocked in every once in a while.

Like I discovered on Saturday. There was a staff party. A group of four dancers was performing. And, boy were they exotic! So hot that you could eat them with a spoon. So wild that they could give all those girls in hip-hop videos a run for their money. Anyway. They drag me to the centre of the stage and sit me down on a chair. Then they start doing their thing. Shaking their booty, doing the splits – that sort of thing. By the time they finished, I did not have any shred of my dignity left in me. Reminded me of this old Hindi song, “Hamein to loot liya mil ke husn waalon ne…” Whoever thinks that it is impossible to rape a man, please think again!

There are Sundays and then there are fantastic Sundays. Yesterday’s was a fantastically happy Sunday! Had nothing to do save vegetate all day long. Well, drove down to the Supermarket in the evening to get supplies but that is not a life-threatening chore. Would have loved it, in fact, if the car had been a Fiat. The only Fiats I have seen here are trucks. I don’t really intend driving them.

Aside: How do you win someone’s heart when she wants you to have nothing to do with her?